The Way You Make Me Feel

Two lyrical titles in a row… Today’s posting was going to be about how I am weary of the glorification of Michael Jackson, his television media dominance, and the memorial service, which was filled with enough hyperbole to make a geometry teacher giddy, but I realized by posting on this, I would be contributing to the very thing I was complaining about.  So, this is another last minute posting.

 

Instead of focusing on the details of the ceremony, I want to focus on how his death affects you.  That right, how has the death of Michael Jackson impacted your life?  Trust me, I’m going somewhere with this.

 

We spend so much of our lives trying to be important.  Whether it is through career success, education, recognition of our volunteer efforts, or the belief that we possess an inner Hollywood actor/rock star/professional athlete/presidential candidate, many of us aspire to do great things. 

 

But what are great things?

 

In terms of recognition and fame, MJ was right up there at the top.  He had world-wide recognition, amazing talent, and celebrity eccentricity, but is your life any different now that he is gone?  Sure there were thousands of people who showed up to mourn his death but what personal impact did he have on your life?

 

Looking at the other end of the spectrum, there are countless mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children, and friends who leave this world anonymous to everyone except those who were close to them.  They may not warrant media attention, huge memorial services, or gold-plated caskets, but their passing has a profound impact on the people in their lives.

 

The point I am trying to make is when we focus on our fame, success, or recognition, we shift our attention to a broad spectrum of people who are only superficially affected by us in order to pump up our own ego while ignoring those on whom we can make a lasting impression.  In order to truly do great things, we sometimes have to forgo opportunities for fame and fortune in order to focus on the people in our lives that are truly influenced by our existence.

 

Let Freedom Ring

 

My apologies to Martina McBride – this week’s will be a very short post because we were traveling over the 4^th of July and I forgot to write anything in advance.  Not only will it be short, but it will be poorly thought out and grammatically incorrect.

 

I recently received an email from one of my English students in Belarus.  He was ecstatic about the fact that he got sponsored to come to the US as an exchange student.  He needs to get a job and he knows about our financial crisis, the horrendous job market, and the possibility of being ostracized as a foreigner, but having the opportunity to come to America is the fulfillment of one of his greatest dreams.

 

Meanwhile, we sit around not even recognizing the opulence of our lifestyle and complain about the things that we are unwilling to take a stand to change. We are still a democracy and many brave men and women put their lives on the line to ensure our freedom.  I sometimes think that the sentiment of some Americans is to passive-aggressively wish that we were a dictatorship so that they could complain about the government without carrying the burden taking action when things don’t go according to plan.  That’s how a democracy works – we get to enjoy freedom, but we are ultimately responsible for change.

 

In my opinion, one of the most anti-American things we can do is not take a stand for the things we believe in.  Wherever you see a need for change, get involved.  Go to meetings, write letters to Congress, and educate yourself on the issues at hand.  Too frequently, we sit around and do nothing because we feel that we are too small to make a difference.  If you ever feel that way, remember this:  it is not the power of our adversaries, but the power that we give them that ultimately defeats us.

 

Lions on the Prowl

In the past few weeks there have been multiple reports of lion sightings in my county.  That’s Hall County, Georgia – we did not move to Zambia.  Although numerous people have reported spotting some sort of large cat to the authorities, there has been no confirmation that an actual lion is on the prowl in northern Georgia.  

 

 

The alleged lion has been blamed for getting into trash (ever hear of raccoons?), killing a horse, and contributing to the financial crisis.  Some of the witnesses swear that what they saw was an African lion.  My guess is that at most it may be a mountain lion or more probably a large Chow with a creative haircut.

 

Here’s the point I want to make:  the local paper has published numerous articles about the lion sightings and lots of people are talking about it, but we’re ignoring some of the real problems and very real terrors that surround us.  In the state of Georgia alone, it is estimated that between 200 and 300 children are trafficked each month!

 

 

At a conference few weeks ago, I listened to Francis Chan speak a little bit about this problem.  Before his talk, his little girl played the piano and sang a song.  He then went on to talk about the success of his latest book Crazy Love.  Despite the huge success of this book, he won’t make a dime from it because he has signed over the royalties to an organization that helps fight human trafficking.

 

 

Francis said that he has gotten a lot of advice from people telling him that he should keep some of the profits in an emergency fund. His response was that the money was going towards an emergency.  Our society is so self-centered, we only consider an atrocity like the trafficking of girls as young as 10 years old an emergency if it happens to someone we know.  What if his little girl who just played the piano was one of the 200 to 300 children trafficked this month?  He would do whatever was necessary to get her back to safety and you would do the same if this happened to someone close to you.

 

 

Sara and I are thinking about getting involved with a group called Street GRACE.  It is “a non-denominational alliance of churches dedicated to supporting, enlarging, and allying with those individuals and organizations working toward eliminating the commercial sexual exploitation of children.”  You can go to their website here.

 

 

I think we need to start paying attention to the real dangers facing us instead of speculating about the monsters under our bed.

 

To Ski or Not to Ski

My previous posting talked about our boat and the need to get a little more adventurous with it.  We did that last week when I went skiing for the first time.  My wife used to ski when she was younger, but hasn’t tried it in about 15 years.  Her first attempt was short-lived, but she got up on the second try and went on for several minutes before deciding that she was done.  You mean you can decide when to stop?

 

My attempts at skiing were a little bit… different.  I’ve never attempted to ski before.  It looks easy enough:  you hold on to a rope and stand up, right?  I made four attempts and actually got up on the third try, which everyone told me was really good.  I don’t know if this encouragement was sincere or pity.  Here’s how it went:

 

Attempt 1:  The boat took off.  I fell down.

 
Attempt 2:  I did what everyone told me not to do – I tried pulling myself up with my arms instead of letting the boat do it for me.  When you do this, your feet shoot forward and you fall.  Since I was trying to muscle my way up, my arms were bent.  When I fell, this put the handle about groin-high with my legs bent in front of me.  My hands let go of the handle but it was trapped between my legs.  Now my back was being dragged across the surface of the water with the handle stuck between my legs.  Neat trick… I meant to do that.  The handle finally pulled through (painfully) and I have two impressive bruises as a souvenir.

 

Attempt 3:  This time I kept my arms straight.  Two groin-high thigh bruises are excellent teaching tools.  I slowly came up and straightened my legs – I was skiing!  The boat built up speed and I started getting comfortable until I shifted my weight too far forward.  With the boat at speed, I actually fell forward and hit the lake face-first.  Remember the “agony of defeat guy” on the opening of ABC’s Wide World of Sports?  I told everyone in the boat that I was fine and it didn’t hurt.  I lied.

 

Attempt 4:  The ski rope sank and I had to swim around for while attempting to locate it.  With skis on, this is exhausting.  Add in the other skiing attempts and my legs were now two columns of Jell-O.  After the boat gathered speed, I tried standing on my wobbly legs only to dip down until my rear hit the water.  I learned that when you do this, all of the water is directed straight to your face.  I also learned that I ski with my mouth open.  I wasn’t giving up.  I got halfway up before dipping down again.  My mouth was still open, but I was tenacious.  I got halfway up again… and dipped back down.  You’d think that I would learn to keep my mouth shut.  With my legs exhausted, I was sort of skimming the surface of the water on my rear – water still directed toward my face, mouth still open.  I’m pretty sure water was shooting out of my ears.  After swallowing a few quarts of lake water and some small aquatic animals, I let go – thus concluded my first skiing trip.

 

Here’s an attempt by attempt analogy of my skiing attempts to life:

 

Attempt 1:  If you’ve never done it before, you probably won’t do well and you won’t look good trying at first.  However, you’ll never get any good at it if you don’t try.

 

Attempt 2:  Skiing is like a lot of things in life.  It requires balance, flexibility, and endurance.  What I lack in balance and flexibility, I try to make up for with strength.  A lot of people do this.  It works for a little while, but you end up exhausted, bruised, and bobbing in the water.  Don’t get me wrong; strength is important, but without balance and flexibility it will lead to failure.

 

Attempt 3:  With persistence, you may see some early success.  This is not the time to get too cavalier because you are still learning.  Continue to learn and acknowledge that you are still learning.

 

Attempt 4:  There is a thin line between tenacity and stupidity – learn to recognize it.  Also, when things aren’t going the way you thought they should, it is sometimes best to keep your mouth shut.

 

Boating Lessons

 

I am the new owner of my very first boat.  We live close to a large lake and have been thinking about getting a boat for years.  We thought it would be a great way to spend time together as a family and have fun during the long Hotlanta summer.  My wife’s uncle is an avid boater and found out about a good used boat that was available, so we checked it out and decided to take the plunge… bad choice of words.

 

The boat is 24 foot Sea Ray.  If you know anything about boating, you know that a 24 foot boat is a lot to handle for someone whose boating experience consists primarily of captaining a paddle boat with a chocolate lab as his first mate.  It’s sort of like learning to drive with a ’78 Ford LTD. 

 

We just got it last week and I have only been out a couple times.  Both times, I had an experienced boater on board to keep an eye on me.  It’s a good thing because if it were not for the advanced technical help (“Watch out for the dock… turn the other way… put it in gear… keep the bottom side wet”), I would have been in trouble.

 

I love taking the boat out, but I am still pretty terrified.  Did you know those things don’t have brakes?  Not only that, but the “road” is constantly moving below you.  It’s not bad in the open water, but near the docks (when everyone in the marina is watching) I feel like I’m trying to parallel park a Hummer in front of an EPA office.

 

So far I have managed to dock and undock without hitting anything, but I have yet to go out on my own or on the weekend when the boats moving in and out of the marina look like fire ants running around a mound.  I know I am safe while tied up to the dock and am content to putter around on occasion, but boats were not designed to remain attached to docks were they?

 

You guessed it, here is the metaphor.  Where is your boat safely tied up?  Sure I can keep away from embarrassment and stay safe if I keep it in the marina, but then I would miss out on the 40,000 acres of lake just outside my protected cove.  Some of you need to get over your fear of looking like a fool and untie the boat.  You may bump the dock or look like a dork for little while, but very little learning or growth comes without risk.

 

Back to School

 

Break out the Elmer’s glue and the notebooks; I am officially a student again.  I have enrolled to finish my MBA and will begin classes this August.  I began my MBA ten years ago when we lived in Indiana, but was unable to finish because we moved halfway across the country about once every two years.  Back then, my goal was to get an MBA to better prepare myself for the promotions and raises that were sure to come my way as I charged through the business world.  This time, my aim is quite different.

 

A few months ago, I was approached by someone that I respect greatly and they asked me about partnering with them in an endeavor called “Business as Mission”.  I honestly didn’t know exactly what a Business as Mission was, but said yes anyway because it sounded really cool.

 

Here’s the idea behind it.  While many missions are non-profit and rely on charitable donations to provide basic needs for people (food, water, shelter, healthcare, etc.), Business as Mission (BAM) takes a different approach.  The idea behind BAM is to work with people to help them establish a viable business.  The idea is not to give them a handout, but to teach them how to earn a living.  Since it is a business, it is a for-profit entity with the idea that if you give a dollar to a charity, the people who benefit from it may get 75 cents but if you put a dollar into a BAM, it will generate $1.50 of income.

 

This is not to say that charities and traditional mission work is bad.  They certainly have their place and are superior to BAM in many applications.  However, there are times when people would rather build their future than have it handed to them.  You’ve heard the saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”  Our plan is really more geared toward making the horse thirsty.

 

Best of all, it takes the principles of business and uses them for good rather than greed.  I’m sure there will be many obstacles, frustrations, and failures along the way, but I am confident that this is the type of work where true significance can be found.

 

I’ll keep you posted.

 

Ten Years and Counting

My ten-year wedding anniversary is fast approaching (June 12).  It’s hard to believe that ten years have passed since we said, “I do.”  In honor of this historic event, I thought I would share a few of our moments with you.

 

Our First Date

Our first date was Valentine’s Day.  Ambitious, I know.  We were both in college at the time, so it wasn’t anything fancy.  I wanted to impress her, so I bought a couple of gifts for our first Valentine’s Day together.  The first thing I picked up was The Titanic soundtrack (which she already had).  That movie was really big at the time, but I wasn’t a big fan.  To this day, I have still not made it through the entire movie.  I blame this film for setting the precedence for several 3+ hour movies that have followed.  Come on, don’t the editors have kids?  The only song I remember from the CD was that Celine Dion tune that seemed to last as long as the movie.  My reasoning for buying it was if I thought it was cheesy and horrific, it must be romantic.

 

Everyone knows that you have to get flowers for Valentine’s Day, so I paid a visit to the local florist.  Early on, I knew Sara was “the one” so I really wanted to impress her.  Couple this with my botanical ignorance at the time, and you end up with a pretty terrible choice.  While all of the other guys were cliché with their roses and chocolates, Sara was the fortunate recipient of… a shrub… an azalea to be exact.  Hey it was big, colorful, and different.  I thought I was a genius.  Once we realized what it was, I planted it near a stream at her apartment.  It died.

 

How I Impressed Her

Let me preface this by saying that Sara is now a very good cook (thank you, Southern Living).  However, in her younger days, her food was… um… not quite as palatable.  It wasn’t from lack of effort; she tried to make lots of things but the results were not always great.  She usually had consistency problems that stemmed from improper measurements (like the time she put 1 cup of soy sauce in a chicken dish instead of 1 tablespoon – my blood pressure still has not returned to normal).

 

One of her goofs actually helped me woo her.  It was our first Halloween.  We carved a jack-o-lantern and roasted pumpkin seeds when Sara decided to make a pumpkin pie.  I assume she had a recipe, but she did not possess good judgment.  I guess she wanted to impress me with an authentic pumpkin pie made from a real pumpkin and not that canned stuff.  What she did not know is that when you use real pumpkin, you use the inner part of the rind.  She used the stringy pumpkin guts.  It was the only pie I’ve ever eaten that you could slurp up like spaghetti noodles.  Despite a consistency more closely resembling a wet wig than a dessert, I ate the entire thing.  That’s when she knew I was a keeper.  She now uses canned pumpkin.

 

Our First Vacation

Not counting our honeymoon, our first vacation was a trip to Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone.  We literally loaded up our backpacks with a tent, food, and sleeping bags and boarded a plane.  We flew into Jackson, Wyoming and pitched our tent at Lake Jenny in front of the Tetons.  To me, this was paradise.  Sara really liked it too but since we had only been married for a year, I was less sensitive to a woman’s expectations of a vacation.  After a few days of sleeping on the ground, eating canned tamales, pushing Sara through miles of hiking, hearing animals browse around our tent at night, and talking to the ranger about a bear family that was getting friendly with the campers, her patience was waning.  Finally, when a bear actually ripped the backpack off a camper in our campground, she said something like, “I’m staying in cabin.  You can stay with me if you want to.”  For our last vacation, we stayed at a bed and breakfast in St. Croix… I’m learning.

 

Asking for Permission

The weekend of my marriage proposal, I visited her parents.  They had only met me a few times and I was still trying to impress them.  They needed to replace a VCR or something like that and I, being the tech-savvy engineer, volunteered my services.  I don’t know what I did to their TV/VCR/cable box, but we weren’t able to watch TV until they called for backup the next day.  Since I was proposing the next day, I had to ask for permission that night.  Imagine that… the idiot that can’t hook up a VCR asks you for your daughter’s hand in marriage.  Of course they granted permission and seemed happy for us.  I found out why after the wedding day when I took over Sara’s automotive insurance.  She had a driving record that could have made her a felon in some states.

 

The Birth of Our Daughters

Both times, I felt useless and inept.  Both times, I was amazed by her strength and fortitude.  She was amazing.

 

Book Discount – Today Only

Today only, Barnes & Noble is offering a 20% discount with this code:  P8R3B8C

You can buy my book for $10.78 with this discount, but it is for today only.  Just click on the link to the right for Barnes&Noble.com and enter the coupon code when you check out.

 

A Strange Dream

It’s a holiday weekend and I’m really not in the mood to write anything deep, so here is a recap of last week’s American Idol season finale.  This is completely irrelevant to the purpose of this blog and you can stop reading now if don’t watch American Idol.

First of all, there is the issue of the number of votes.  Seacrest kept saying that there were “almost 100 million” votes cast.  Compare that to the 2008 presidential election, considered by many to be the most important one in recent history, where there were about 120 to 130 million votes cast and you get a good sense of where America’s priorities lie (or is it lay… I never could get that one). 

Now for the performances – I didn’t really start keeping track until about halfway through the show, so I’ll omit the awkwardness of Lionel Richie with Danny Gokey and the surprisingly good performance by the combination of Cindy Lauper and Allison Iraheta. 

Since the judges always talk about contestants needing to be new, fresh, relevant, etc. what better way to celebrate the culmination of the season than to showcase a bunch of 30 year-old music?

When I saw Adam with what appeared to be rebar bent into some kind of industrial art incorporated into his costume, I told my wife that he would either be with Meatloaf or KISS.  Sure enough, KISS descended onto the stage amid some “shock and awe” pyrotechnics.  This is where everything started to get really weird for me.  I have to say, I’ve never been a big fan of KISS.  Yeah, they dress funny and wear a lot of makeup… but so does Paula Abdul.  These guys range from 57 to 64 years old.  Let that soak in.  Seeing them in spandex and u-cut shirts that showcase their harry barrel-chestedness was nauseating.  Was this a performance by rock and roll legends or The Country Bear Jamboree?

Next came the ageless Carlos Santana.  This guy is still one of the best guitarist ever and lives up to the name of the song he performed, “smooth”.  I can’t fault this one at all.

Next up… Steve Martin is playing a banjo and plugging his new album???  This is becoming a strange dream.  As weird as this was, I kind of liked the bluegrassy sound.

The adventures in surrealism continued when Rod Stewart was apparently given an adrenaline shot straight to the heart so that he could come on stage and perform a few more 30 year-old songs.  If American Idol is going for the young demographics, they really should invest in a calendar… or a time machine.

For the final performance, Kris and Adam started singing Queen’s “We Are the Champions”.  For a brief moment I thought, “Holy cow – they’re going to bring back Freddie Mercury from the dead.”  Don’t laugh, they did it with Rod Stewart.  The surviving band did appear and the show’s bias toward Adam was underscored.

To sum it up, I think all of the performances proved that there hasn’t been much decent music made this decade.  Everybody is shocked that Adam didn’t win the competition, but when you consider the fact that now he doesn’t have to record that stinker of a song that Kara wrote, he may be the real winner.  I  guess Adam can seek consolation from Chris Daughtry, who can tell him how to cope with a life of obscurity after losing on American Idol while the winner goes on to fame and fortune.  Who won that year?  Oh yeah, Taylor Hicks… he’s awesome.

 

Summertime

With an early Memorial Day this year, the unofficial kickoff for the summer season is practically here.  For most people, summer brings back nostalgic memories of their childhood – cookouts, fishing trips, swimming, camping, ballgames, playing outside all day until the sweat and dirt combined to make a paste that, unfortunately, was unable to repel mosquitoes… yeah, I was a dirty little boy… and stinky.

Some of our best memories occurred during those three months when there was no school, no cold weather, and no Nickelodeon West in HD.  These days, there are a lot of things in a child’s life that compete against the formation of those fond memories that you enjoy.  I-Pods, internet, 16 channels of cartoons 24/7, video games, Facebook, Twitter… the list things that distract kids (and adults) from real life goes on and on.  This is why it is imperative that parents be intentional about providing opportunities for kids to discover the world around them and there is no better time than the summer months to do so. 

I know, easier said than done.  While it may seem impossible to pry your kids away from the TV or computer, I believe that their attraction to these forms of entertainment is a learned behavior.  And to a large extent, it is learned from us.

Which is easier – taking a kid hiking and allowing them to explore the infinite wonders of creation or sitting them in front of SpongeBob while we pay the bills?  I don’t want to sound sanctimonious here because I have been guilty of using the digital babysitter numerous times.  I just want to caution you from using a television, video game, or computer as the default method of keeping your children occupied.

 I’m not a child psychologist, but ever since we became parents, I’ve had the opportunity to closely observe child development every day for the past few years.  Here are just a few things I’ve realized:

• Every child is unique (duh)
• Most children would rather do than observe – “Let me try, let me try!”
• Kids are curious and inquisitive
• A child has more energy than the Tasmanian Devil with a Red Bull intravenous drip
• Children are imaginative and creative

Think about what happens if your child spends too much time in front of the tube (RANDOM STUFF ALERT – Calling a TV “the tube” is really a misnomer because hardly any televisions still have picture tubes – it’s sort of like calling a CD a “record”, using Tivo or a DVR to “tape” a show, or “dialing” a phone number).  Sorry… back to the topic.  When a kid spends too much time watching TV, they are not fostering their unique curiosities and passions.  Rather, they are taught to be interested in whatever the latest market analysis and trends indicate that the majority of kids are interested in.  Additionally, any learning that occurs comes from observation rather than participation, there is no outlet for their boundless energy, and their imagination and creativity are stymied.

I know, you’ve heard all of this before.  Now – keep in mind that the purpose of this blog is to help us find significance in our adult lives.  All of those things that are lacking in a child’s life when they spend too much time watching TV or on the computer are lacking in our lives when we make an unfulfilling career the focus of our time and effort – there is no fostering of our unique curiosities and passions, there is no outlet for our imagination and creativity, and we end up being observers in life rather than participants.

Just as television keeps the kids occupied, maybe your career is simply keeping you occupied.  Perhaps it’s time to get a little sweaty and dirty.  Take some time this summer to explore.  Who knows, you may even enjoy it.