The holiday season is in full swing, so I thought I would do another one of my Christmas carol re-writes.  This one was inspired by our trip to Chateau Elan this weekend to visit Santa.  My six-year-old hopped in his lap and let him know that she wanted a real puppy, a real bunny, and a real guinea pig.  My three-year-old cowered behind her mother and refused to get within fifteen feet of Santa.  As we left, there were more screaming children terrified of the Big Guy.  It reminded me of the Santa scene in A Christmas Story.  Sing to the tune of Away in a Manger.

 

Away with that stranger, with fake hair on his head.

His beard scares the bejesus, out of kids filled with dread.

Facial scars near his eye, and eyebrows so gray.

Why are they snapping pictures?  I’m not going to pay.

 

The crying is slowing, and so do the shakes.

His boots are made of plastic and really bad fakes.

I move the child toward him, to give it a try.

She screams like a banshee when she sits on his thigh.

 

In line for two hours and now she isn’t going to stay.

He smells like he came, from a beef and cheese buffet.

Frustrated with the children, it’s time to end this affair,

And find another Santa, who’s not the size of a bear.

 

Alright, I’m no Weird Al, but Merry Christmas anyway!

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